I recently found out that I am in not one, but four relationships. All with the same person. And I have never encountered this before.
It’s a health thing. Oz and I discovered that we have to learn four drastically different relationship dynamics. First there is Well Oz and Well El. Sure both of us might not be feeling fantastic, but overall (and comparatively) well. Oz and I have this dynamic down. The second and third dynamics are when one of us is Well and the other isn’t. We are certainly paving the way for solid understandings of this dynamic. It is tough though. Both of us must learn the in’s and out’s of another disease, while still trying to fully comprehend our own, and balancing what the other person needs when they are sick. I have an index card Oz helped me fill out detailing what to do when his blood sugars mess up. But I feel like it’s still a little unfair to Oz, because I can’t reciprocate a how-to manual for fibro.
And then there is the hardest relationship of all: when both of us are sick. Recently Oz’s sugars have been very high. And due to our terrible weather, my fibromyalgia has been flaring. Like sparks and gunpowder, it was only a matter of time until something blew up. Luckily we both understand that not feeling well can lead you to be very grumpy, so no harm was done. But we found out that we have no idea how to behave with each other when both of us are sick. And we are both the kind of people that want to help fix things. Fixing things is hard to do when you aren’t functioning properly.
So we are just over 50% there with our relationships.
Sometimes I get really sad about it. I am so happy to have him, but I question what I am doing.
It’s complicated because I have come to understand what fibromyalgia does to an outside party. It is exhausting. Tiring. A roller coaster ride- the kind that makes you lose your lunch. It involves a fair amount of failed adventures and a lot of tears. I read a statistic that said 2% of the U.S. population has fibromyalgia. But 6% of the U.S. population has been negatively impacted by fibromyalgia (the exact wording was “diminished quality of life due to fibromyalgia” but I like my paraphrase better). I don’t want to add Oz to that statistic. I know what fibro does to those you love.
But I have never had anyone like Oz before. So that gives me hope.
And maybe, just maybe, having an El gives him hope too.