Oz was considering taking a break. From us. He has a lot going on. That isn’t an excuse for a very serious consideration, though. In the end, he decided that taking a break wouldn’t be a good idea.
I was talking with my best friend Red about my situation. She asked me what I was going to do. I told her that I would stay, and sit with the uncertainty for a while. She asked me if that would make me happy, because it sounded like I was doing that only for Oz.
I struggled to explain it to her.
Oz came home today and declared, “You are a miracle!” He had just celebrated his grandfather’s birthday. His grandpa told him stories about being in the Korean War, and the multiple times he should have been injured or killed, but miraculously wasn’t. And his persistently good health led to Oz being born, somewhere down the line. That seemed pretty miraculous to him.
Because of my fibromyalgia, I couldn’t attend the college I wanted to on the west coast. It was too far from home and my doctors. Then I had to medically withdraw from my first semester of college due to my fibromyalgia. Which saw me need to “find myself.” This found me employed by a circus/entertainment company (owned by my high school religion teacher) who is Bobby’s uncle by marriage.
In a really warped way, fibromyalgia made my life a miracle.
Through a lot of thought and revelation, I think I found a way to respond to Red.
I love Oz. I belong with him. It isn’t a dependent need, like a security blanket. It is really simple. At the end of the day, he is where I belong. I know this in my heart and in my head. And I am where he belongs. As long as we keep going in the same direction, we will okay. But if our paths swerve a bit, I will always find a way to meet him where he is going (and vice versa). That is the miracle my miracle is meant for.