What did you do last night?

It is a seemingly harmless question, until you put the emphasis I keep hearing on it.

It sounds more like, What did you DO last night?! 

Everyone is only trying to start a conversation, to flaunt the edges on what appears to be my excessive tiredness.

Only two people at my new job know that I am secretly sick.  Not because I like to be secretive; I just don’t like the stigma.  The two people who know also have chronic diseases, so they don’t even think twice about it.

Please know that I feel like I have the flu, but I’m not that kind of sick.  I am fibro-sick.  I am chills, sudden onset of extreme pain, exhaustion, physical weakness, and aching joints.

Last night I got home feeling  very sick again.  Oz wanted me to take the night easy, but I told him that if I stayed in the house undistracted, I was going to cry.  And I did. A lot. But then, in an attempt to be normal, I convinced Oz to take me to Bed Bath and Beyond.  We wandered the aisles, pretending to decorate our future house. I discovered Oz can’t stand gemmed/jeweled decorative pillows, mostly for their lack of function at being a pillow.  To Oz, that constitutes being fluffy, comfortable, and versatile. Highly decorated pillows are not comfortable or versatile, two strikes for them.

Then we returned home.  I planted myself in a garden of functional pillows and blankets, and tried to get through the night.  I couldn’t focus on the usual late night television shows or the relaxing sound of the thunderstorm. I did end up sleeping off and on for about seven hours though.

That is what I did last night.  I didn’t party. I didn’t run a marathon.  I’m not actually tired, I’m more in pain than anything. And I am glad they can’t recognize that, because it means they haven’t been in that kind of pain. And I wouldn’t want them to.

So until they know, I will let them think for the half a second they take to inquire, that I am working a second job/dancing the night away/staying up late star gazing. And I will thank them for their consideration, because there are worse people in the world.


3 thoughts on “What did you do last night?

  1. thank you for sharing -know all about the flu-symptoms get them almost every day do you take anything for that? hope the pain let up soon-take care

    • Unfortunately I don’t take anything…I’m too chemically sensitive. Do you? Thanks for your encouragement, it really means a lot.

  2. Most of us with Chronic Illness work very hard to keep others from knowing. Part of it is because of stigma but I think another part is because we don’t want to seem like “complainers” or “hypochondriacs”. My disease has progressed and my body has added many other chronic illnesses on top of each other so I can’t hide it as well as I used to, but still most people have NO IDEA what I deal with every single day. You do not walk alone dear. ((gentle hugs))

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